A big first day...

It's becoming a tradition to inadvertently sleep in on big important days in our household. 

The first day of preschool was no exception. 

Max (our alarm clock) didn't wake up until 7, and school starts right at 8am. 

That didn't leave much time to get all four of us dressed and fed...plus a lunch needed to be packed, a backpack organized, and of course I wanted to take some pictures. 

We were rushing around, which was such a blessing in disguise.

There was no time to be sad, no time for an existential crisis on the bigger meaning of the day, it took all we had just to get out the door on time. 

His first lunch note. He can only read a few three letter words, but I needed him to know this. So thankful we taught him sign language, very useful for notes to a preschooler. 

I only took a few pictures at home, so I was hoping to take more once we arrived at school. 

But once we got there and Max saw the other kids filing in...he wanted nothing to do with us anymore. 

I didn't know that started so young? 

Ouch.

See...way too cool to be in a picture with mom. 

We looked at so many preschools before settling on this one, and I was reminded of all the reasons we loved it on Tuesday morning. The Principal was greeting everyone as we entered and already knew Max by name, his classroom is adorable, he has just 6 kids in his class, and his teacher is so kind. 

Trust me, I was looking for any and every reason not to leave him, but it was such a great welcome that even my anxious heart was put at ease a bit. 

And our boy, he is just so brave and confidant, he marched right in, hung his backpack on the hook by his name, and settled on the floor playing with his new friends. 

I had imagined a long drawn out goodbye...but there wasn't one at all. 

Bye Max. 

We said goodbye and he never looked back.

Look at me, I just left my kid at preschool and I'm not even crying!!

It wasn't until we got home, as Eli and I settled into our morning routine, and Julian left for work...then, I cried. 

I missed him. 

We've spent the past 1,111 (neat, huh?) mornings together, and his absence was palpable, the house was way too quiet. 

Eli and I were both a bit lost, I never realized how much we both revolve around Max and his crazy morning energy. 

We found our way though. 

 I wiped the tears, and we settled in together. 

My lifeline was the little schedule his teacher sent home. I checked it every 10-15 minutes and was buoyed with thoughts of him doing bible time, reading stories, learning math, and studying science. 

All good things and experiences, I found it helpful to focus on that. 

As it got closer to pick up time, I started to wonder how he'd done, his teacher said sometimes the kids who are very confident struggle the most and vice versa. 

Julian came home for lunch and we all went to retrieve our boy. 

I am happy to report that he did great! 

He played and followed directions well, used the potty (a few times, apparently when one went they all wanted to go), and he was even still on "green light" as far as behavior goes (his teacher uses the green/yellow/red light system). 

He didn't miss us, which is great, I love that he is able to go out into the world independently and have these experiences. 

So happy to have him back home!

As I was reflecting on the day last night, I was contemplating what was so hard about the day, for me. One of my favorite parenting sayings is, "Give them roots, and give them wings."

It's the wings, that's what hard. 

I've spent three years giving this boy deep and sturdy roots...singing him to sleep as a baby, reading  countless book while he was perched on my lap, establishing our own little family traditions, lovingly disciplining and teaching him boundaries...1,111 days poured into his beautiful little soul. 

It's not easy work building those roots, but this business of giving them wings, it feels so much harder.

Max is my bright and beautiful first born son, but he doesn't belong to me. 

He was created for his own purposes, challenges, and adventures ahead. 

He needs wings. 

So we will send him out again tomorrow, miss him terribly, and celebrate his return. 

I'm hoping this eventually gets easier?